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My Mind - Lost at Sea

Anyone had day where they cannot concentrate on any one thing, but everything is moving so fast even  your words are slurred
Such is the case I find myself in today, and many Dystonia patients are the same way. These days are very difficult because no one can understand what you are trying to communicate, and as you can imagine this is frustrating for both parties involved especially when all day I here huh,? What was that? Ok say that again. I just usually give up.
The feeling of you having no control over your mind is very difficult. You can’t control what you are thinking about or when that thought will disappear, and you’re mind moves on to another topic. This can be very difficult when talking to someone you just jump from one subject to another, and they can’t keep up and neither can you because you don’t remember what you have or have not said, or if you said anything at all. Sometimes you think you are saying something, but it stays in your head, and other times things you don’t think you said just came out of your mouth and they don’t remember. Such is the day today. I cannot remember from one moment to the next what I was doing, and for that matter I do not remember most of the day it just seems to pass by with my aimlessly walking around the house trying to remember what it was I was doing.
 I feel trapped in my own head, and there is no escape. I try walking on these days and I still feel trapped nothing I have tried seems to make the helpless feeling go away, and to be honest with you I may not be making sense to you at this moment, but I thought I had a moment of clarity in which I could write. I know my writing probably is not interesting, but it helps me cope with the disease if I write down the things I feel the struggle that is Dystonia. 
  So Tomorrow when I get up I may have found my mind or it still maybe adrift somewhere, I never know what the next day will bring, but none of us do hopefully I my mind has returned by tomorrow so I can try to be a help to my wife and children because this state of mind is very frustrating.
So to those who attempt to take care of me, my wife and daughter ,I apologize. I know it must be frustrating for you as well. She is still trying to get all of the mold out of our soggy basement and take care of me, which is a full time job from which she gets no compensation.

Comments

  1. Curious how long you had dystonia before you recognized and begin experiencing mental issues with the physical?? Once again you shed great light on a subject of dystonia few ever discuss. Yes, this made sense to me, anyway! 💕

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    Replies
    1. It wasn't very long after. My wife had to point it out because I couldn't see it. My tone changed first then I would become irritated. Then it was a gradual progression from there.

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  2. I talked with Joshua today during this frustration that he was experiencing. There have been many times when I thought that I was talking but it was all in my head. All of a sudden I will start voicing what I was thinking but of course my poor husband has no idea what is going on in my head so he may think that I am talking about something completely different. I had no idea that anyone else had carried on these frustrating conversations. As Joshua was saying, sometimes it is easier to just forget that I said anything than to try to clear up the conversation. I like talking to my son so it doesn’t always matter to me if I don’t understand him or if he understands me. Sometimes it is enough to know that someone loves you enough to try to talk with me whether I make any sense or not . I love you son, and thank you for putting up with me even when you probably don’t feel like like listening. 💙💕💗

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  3. My talking is apparently fast, loud, and annoying before a seizure...but I don’t notice a difference. I apparently say things totally backwards and stuff that doesn’t make sense, but it does to me. I’ve had other mental issues with this mess, I just don’t say much about it. I guess I don’t have to. The few I see or talk to notice it on their own. I have zero control of pitch or volume of voice...I find that annoying myself!

    ReplyDelete

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